A Chinese Woman – Used and Abandoned

2006-09-19

Bartłomiej Magierowski

Their marriage lasted only a few years. She - a thirty-year-old Chinese woman, he - a fifty-year-old American man. They have a small son who is now living with his mother. Why did they separate? His Chinese wife could not stand the fact that every evening her white husband sat in a bar with his friends. He drank beer, watched sports, behaved as if he had never married, as if he had never started a family, ignoring her, her problems and her needs. She had had enough.

This is still quite a decent example. The worst are foreigners who fly to China for a few days, weeks or every few months. Whether for training, seminars or business matters. The more cynical ones eagerly look for a young, naive Chinese woman. She does not necessarily have to be poor, and he does not necessarily have to support her financially. They deceive the girl for several months, never treating such a relationship seriously.

The best, or perhaps rather the worst, example is the relationship between a twenty-eight-year-old Chinese woman and a certain Canadian man in his forties. They met on a Chinese internet chat room. He often visited China. Longer business stays, several times a year. As he himself used to say: „I am not married...”, and after a moment he added with an ironic smile: „in China”. And indeed, in the Middle Kingdom he felt free, liberated from the burden of his wife and children who remained in Canada. This exemplary father and husband deceived Vivian for a year. He slept with her every time he arrived in Shenzhen. When he had time, he invited her to dinner, and after dinner there was always sex. Vivian was fascinated by him. In love with the overweight Canadian, she hoped that he would marry her and settle here, or perhaps they would move together to Canada. When they met for the last time, he simply used her in a hotel room, without any tenderness or emotion. She cried, but he remained unmoved. Vivian was already married at that time to an older, short Chinese man. It was an act of desperation, or perhaps an attempt at blackmail. It did not stop the Canadian from continuing to sleep with her. A few days later, in his homeland, he was once again the perfect father and husband. To this day, he can be found on internet chat rooms. Every time he is in China, he invites some girls for dinner, and what happens for dessert... we can only guess.

The blame lies on both sides, although probably to a much greater extent on the side of white men. Most of them take advantage of the fact that, for many Chinese women, they are like walking gods. White skin, blue eyes, a long straight nose and blond hair represent an ideal, and when combined with a youthful appearance and athletic build, they become a perfect image that many Chinese women will admire, love and accept all his needs and desires. On the streets of Shanghai, Hong Kong, Beijing, Shenzhen or Guangzhou, one can sometimes see unusual couples. An old, hunched, unattractive foreigner, and beside him a beautiful tall Chinese woman who could practically be his daughter. The reason for such a relationship? One is money, the other - infatuation.

Some Chinese women, like twenty-nine-year-old Mei, simply claim that white men are better in bed and more romantic. However, it must be admitted that her first white partner - a Dutchman in his thirties - was not very romantic. She always complained that he did not walk beside her, did not hold her hand, and on a hot day did not even offer her water. He assured her that he was separated from his wife, they had a daughter, they lived together, but nothing connected them anymore. Quite naive explanations, but Mei believed them for a long time, while the Dutchman trusted that he could always count on good and free sex in China, because that was the only thing he was interested in. He never entered into a longer relationship with Mei. Eventually, this Chinese woman, who valued only white lovers, met a New Zealander - a wealthy furniture trader. It did not bother her that he was fifty years old, had a wife and three children. He assured her that within three years he would obtain a divorce, and they moved in together in China. Are they still together today? It is difficult to say. She believes various stories, she is naive, and he enjoys having a young, sexy wife who always fulfils all his wishes. Perhaps they are still together and such a relationship suits them.

Every day, however, more ordinary stories occur, and the naivety of young Chinese women is simply astonishing.

Annie is twenty-four years old. She moved to work in the provincial city of ZhuHai on the South China Sea coast. She quickly began to feel lonely. She met a sixty-year-old Italian businessman. He lived there permanently but did not speak much English; communication between them was difficult. Of course, there were no problems with that in bed. After several weeks they decided to live together. She was in love with him and was already planning marriage. She quickly changed her plans when she realised that he was constantly looking for other young and attractive Chinese women. He explained his trips to bars by saying that he was simply looking for a girlfriend for a friend.

Angela travelled from Shenzhen to Guangzhou in search of love. She met a young Spaniard in an online chat room who invited her to stay with him for a few days. He told her that he loved her, that she was wonderful, beautiful and different from everyone else. He confessed that he simply needed sex. That he had dozens of lovers in China, but it was only about sex. With her it was supposed to be different; he had fallen in love with her. Angela stayed at his place for several days. Later she returned to Shenzhen and announced to everyone that she now had a white boyfriend. He, of course, invited her to move permanently to live with him. She believed him; it did not bother her that he had had so many women in the past. Perhaps she was even ready to make any sacrifices and accept her boyfriend's daily betrayals? In China, this is possible.

Since the beginning of Chinese history, betrayal has been a common occurrence. Starting with emperors and monarchs who could have as many as 365 wives, and ending with today's politicians maintaining mistresses they met somewhere in karaoke clubs. Perhaps betrayal and polygamy are simply part of the nature of this culture?

Of course, the majority of Chinese women are faithful to their husbands. Men are different. They are always attracted to KTV clubs or massage parlours. In large cities, however, there is no shortage of single women and girls who are educated, speak English, have good jobs, and often, due to the nature of their work (exhibitions, international trade, transport), meet foreigners. The problem is that they become easy prey for middle-aged white men who are temporarily in China and are only looking for sexual adventures. „I would like to try a Chinese girl” is a typical statement from businessmen arriving here for the first time. Those who do not have time for romances simply use the services of prostitutes. Agency business cards are handed out at trade fairs or in hotels. Others, aware of how much Chinese women admire them, go to a disco, a bar or a club and simply pick up an Asian beauty looking for casual love. There are no misunderstandings here. Many foreigners would, however, like to have a permanent lover in Asia - they are already thinking about future trips, meetings and trade fairs.

China is becoming increasingly open, and the topic of sex is no longer as taboo as it once was. There is no shortage of young women who throw themselves into the arms of one foreigner and then another. They attend parties together, white men tattoo Chinese characters on their bodies, and young Chinese women feel liberated around them. In larger Chinese cities, one can already find entire neighbourhoods or streets full of such couples. Chinese women do not despair when a foreigner leaves them. They know that today they are dating a Russian, next week a German, and next month a Canadian. They accept everything; even group sex may be involved.

On the internet, blogs and websites appear, created by men who even boast about the number of Asian women they have slept with. Others treat their pages as information sources and willingly advise where to go in search of sex. Still others mock these descriptions and boast that all Chinese women desire them, that all they need to do is go to a nightclub and return to the hotel with three girls. Of course, these are often exaggerated stories, but there is also some truth in them. One blog even attracted the attention of a Chinese professor. The site was created by a foreigner who is an English teacher in China. Every few days he describes sexual conquests with his students and other Chinese women. He has now begun to feel threatened and has blocked access to the site with a password. Chinese people have already discovered that it concerns a certain British man from a well-known university in Shanghai, so his days in the Middle Kingdom are probably numbered.

An average businessman browses such websites and stimulates his imagination while planning a business trip to China. Sexual adventures may also be encouraged by hundreds of pornographic websites that supposedly present photographs of young Chinese women. In reality, most of them are Japanese and Thai women, but this does not change the fact that a white man already dreams of a young, petite Asian woman.

Not every relationship between a Chinese woman and a foreigner is serious, and not every one ends in marriage. While most white men are aware of this and think about the future rather with their own compatriot, in their own country, most Chinese women live with naive hope. Sometimes they break up a marriage and a foreigner fascinated by a young Asian woman stays with her for longer, but most are temporary and accidental relationships without any future.

The article comes from the O2.PL portal